Is Couples Therapy Worth It? Well, It Depends
Relationships
Couples therapy requires a significant financial investment. It also takes up a substantial amount of time.
Given the investment involved, people rightly wonder: “Is couples’ therapy worth it?” The answer depends a lot on the couples therapist you choose and how well you relate to them. But, there’s more to it than that. To find out how effective couples therapy might be for you and your partner, you must also consider your unique situation.
If you’re unsure whether it would be worth your time to try couples therapy, we invite you to ask yourself the following questions. We hope this exercise will help you move past indecision and take the next step toward achieving your relationship goals.
1. Are you worried that your relationship is beyond repair?
Many people hesitate to start couples’ therapy/marriage counseling because they doubt whether the relationship is salvageable. In some cases, this hesitation arises out of a disagreement regarding a key life or relationship goal, or perhaps a difference in attachment styles. In others, there is some doubt as to whether trust and intimacy can ever be restored after infidelity or years of accumulated resentment.
If you’re reading this article, you must still have at least a sliver of hope that the relationship might still work out. Unless you’ve totally given up on it, you shouldn’t abandon the idea of couples therapy. You might think you need to decide whether to continue the relationship before starting therapy, but the opposite is true. One of couples therapy’s greatest benefits is the opportunity to get more clarity about your relationship goals and how to achieve them.
2. How are your relationship problems affecting your daily life?
Therapy requires a lot of effort, but so does not getting therapy. As you consider the question, “Is therapy worth it?” you should keep in mind the effort it takes to endure a toxic or tumultuous relationship.
How much time and emotional resources have you expended trying to fix your relationship without any results? Further, how tired are you of having the same argument again and again? How much has your troubled relationship cost you in terms of lost sleep, reduced productivity at work, and missed opportunities for happiness? You can weigh those costs against the cost of couples’ therapy.
3. Are you willing to risk a breakup or divorce down the road?
Marriage counselors are commonly asked whether couples therapy can save a relationship. There is no single answer to that question since it depends on many factors. The only universally true thing is that the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to resolve your relationship issues.
A common scenario with married couples is that they put off working on their relationship for too long. They are so busy focusing on their careers, raising kids, and dealing with daily challenges that they fail to nurture their relationships. Over the years, it gradually withers until, at some point, it can’t be revived. That’s why so many couples end up divorcing after their kids move out or after they retire.
Maybe couples therapy can save your relationship after decades of neglect. Maybe it can’t. If you eventually divorce, your separation could cost you a lot, both emotionally and financially. Is that a risk you’re willing to take? The sooner you start therapy, the more likely it is that your relationship can be saved.
4. How flexible/open-minded are you?
The unbiased perspective a therapist will contribute during couples therapy can provide many benefits. It can help you learn more about yourself, appreciate your partner more, and identify misunderstandings that hold you back. However, you’ll never reap those benefits unless you can keep an open mind about yourself and question your current view of your relationship.
Are you expecting a couples’ therapist to “fix” your partner or confirm that you are “right”? A good therapist will allow you to express your frustrations and validate your feelings. But they will also ask you to acknowledge your role in your troubled relationship. If you’re curious about your psychology and open to new perspectives, you’ll be much more likely to benefit from couples therapy.
5. Is your partner on board with the idea of couples therapy?
It’s really common for one partner to be more enthusiastic about couples therapy than the other. Assuming your partner is at least open to the idea, it’s completely fine if they initially have some doubts. Your therapist can help them explore their hesitations and answer their questions during a free initial consultation and throughout the course of therapy.
On the other hand, perhaps your partner is so opposed to the idea of therapy that you’ve considered threatening them with divorce or some other ultimatum unless they agree to come. If you plan to coerce your partner into therapy, you might do more harm than good. Instead of forcing them into marriage counseling, you might consider working on the relationship through individual relationship therapy instead. You might be pleasantly surprised by how much progress you can make without their participation.
I hope this exercise has given you more clarity about whether couples therapy would be worth it for you. If you’re still unsure, I encourage you to join me for a free consult. I will listen to your concerns and give you an idea of how effective couples therapy generally is for people in situations like yours. I will also answer any questions you may have about couples’ therapy services, which are available to individuals in Newport Beach and throughout the California.
Are You Ready to Tackle Your Relationship Issues in Couples Therapy in Orange County?
I offer a wide variety of online services to fit the needs of busy professionals. I understand that you may face other challenges throughout your daily life that can activate or exacerbate unhelpful defenses, so I offer in person & online therapy services to help you cope.
